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The F-Word

No clever introduction. My mom called me a foodie the other day, and I've been mulling over whether or not she may be on to something.


Why I'll never be a foodie

A. I refuse to take pictures at restaurants/bars/etc.

I'm the kind of person who hates cameras. Now, I like being able to look back at pictures (especially of myself) as much as the next (arrogant) guy, but there's something very intrusive and unwelcome about pulling out a camera. Nothing sucks the air out of a room like flash photography. It forces an immediate self-awareness and reflection on a moment that previously had been unburdened by thoughts of future consequences.

Coincidentally, this is also how I feel about cell phones omnipresence. Which is an odd opinion for a young tech-savvy guy to have, I understand. I remember when Ann and I first started dating, it took me many frustrating months to break her* of constantly texting during dinner. Maybe my notoriously bad phone skills are a pendulum swung too far in the opposite direction, but that's a different discussion for another day.

B. I lack the pretension necessary

If I had my druthers, I'd eat a stew from different cultures every night of the week. It's these simple and homey dishes that I crave more than any modern, vertically-stacked, perfectly sauced tapas. It's kind of hard not to crack open a good bottle of wine (or maybe homemade mead?) and just talk to some one over a well-balanced classic dish. Maybe my tastes are just simple.

Also, I don't think my vocabulary contains the sheer volume of adjectives that are apparently necessary to talk my way through a meal with a true foodie. To me, allowing food to dominate the conversation is like getting on the internet to talk about ethernet cables  and modems. Food and copper wiring are simply good mediums through which deeper conversations about politics, family, or memes can and should travel freely.

Why I'm totally already a foodie

A. I love to cook, almost as much as I love to eat.

If there's one thing that homebrewing has taught me, it's that most of what you buy at the store can be made cheaper and better at home. My initial goal of producing quality homemade ales has expanded into bread and cheese along with a whole new way of thinking about combining flavors outside of basic kitchen recipes. Perhaps its just stubbornness, but each failed attempt is an opportunity to improve future iterations of a recipe.

I don't buy many processed foods. I prepare my lunch everyday. I believe that only salt and pepper should ever be applied to a steak. I will find every hole-in-the-wall restaurant in my neighborhood and I will eat there food. Gladly.

B. I tend to obsess about niche things.

Just last week I spent an hour learning how to brew better coffee. I own textbooks about beer. Once I watched three different chefs explain to me how to chop a damn onion. I'm not sure if this means I have Asperger's or am a common nerd or what. I am not a proud man.

The best compliment anyone ever gave me was that when I commit to something new, I tend to learn as much about it as quickly as possible. He was talking about Lost, but I think/hope it applies to a lot of areas of my life.

C. I have strong opinions about things, which I occasionally voice on the internet.

Like those damn foodies.



Still Fighting It,

Bryan



*If you followed this asterisk expecting an apology for an offensive dog-training analogy, you were sorely mistaken. I am a dick.

Comments

  1. Druthers is quite possibly the greatest word in the english word, and I'll not have you besmirching it. Also, besmirching is pretty great.

    ReplyDelete

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